Friends...how many of us have them?

This song is one of the most pure songs about friendship out there...."and if you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew; you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, 'thank you for being a friend' "Love it.

I have been thinking a lot about the importance of lasting friendship lately, in particular as it relates to my daughter. My oldest is a rising 5th grader and we just moved. I was really committed to making sure we stayed in the same town and communicated with the school district to make sure she could stay at the same school even if we moved within the district. Why? Because she has done really well in her present school, and I would not DREAM of moving her, her last year of grade school to a different school and peer group.

She has been fortunate to find really good friends, girls she's known since Kindergarten. They are thick as thieves, they Gchat, email, have playdates, get in fights, do all the things you do at that age. They "get" her and and she "gets" them as well. They have her back. When she's down, they lift her up and she tries to be a positive source for them as well. They have sleepovers, and go to D&B together, and had their first Benihana experience together. LOL. They love each other. One of her friends has an older sister who graduated from high school this year, and we saw her and her best friend since 4th grade off to prom. They have been the gruesome twosome since they were 8 and are now going to colleges across the street from each other in Atlanta. They have gone through their formative years knowing at the beginning and end of each day, triumph, and challenge they had someone who had their BACK.

That is what friendship is. And that is what I see growing with my daughter and her friends, and that is what I have with MY friends. It brings tears to my eyes to watch true friendship blossom. So many people these days are caught up in the exterior, the material, the silly---even children. I know so many people who don't have friends, or at least don't have TRUE friends. I feel blessed to have my down like four flat tires friends in my life. And I pray the same for my children. So if that means we live in a little apartment in our town instead of buying a sprawling mini-mansion in another town or even state; then so be it.

I want to give my daughter the opportunity, if I can, to know and feel what the above song means. Because Whodini said it best, "Friends, how many of us have them?"

Why kids these days are messed up...

Ironically; I watched my FAVORITE television show, Real Housewives of Atlanta, last night after I developed the idea for this posting...watching Phaedra ramble on about how she needs her weekly man/ped, she needs her exercise, and she only got 5 hours sleep at night while she was pregnant..then get her first look at her newborn son and respond "Ew. Gross." solidified that I needed to write this today. LOL

Not that I am saying Phaedra (for those of you that watch the show, if you don't, go to Bravo's website for a gander) is the benchmark but her self-centered attitude about her impending motherhood is definitely something that has been adopted by more and more mothers; to the detriment of the upcoming generations.

Your life will change
This "me" attitude that has permeated society is literally; KILLING our children. Let me start with the first thing that women tell ourselves: "My life isn't going to stop because I have a child". Nope it will not stop, but it damn sure better CHANGE. You are now responsible for the carriage and care of another human being. This is not a task you should take on lightly. This isn't a gold tooth kiosk. Its not a shoe sale at DSW. Your child wasn't given to you as a prize at the State Fair. You can't undo it. And unlike the things I mentioned above, prizes, shoes, and gold teeth(well, not the gold teeth) you can't take on raising a child and your life not change (cause your life WILL change if you get gold teeth lol). I guess you COULD, but then my kids have to deal with sitting next to your kids---whose mother smoked and drank while she was pregnant so they have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and are underweight, whose mom decided that penis is the priority so her kids come to school and act out the mom's show with "Uncle" or "Aunt" X from the night before (cause she can't even wait until the kids are sleep), and don't forget the kids who can't read the "stop" sign because mom decided she'd rather Facebook and Tweet than make sure the kid did his 30 minutes of reading. Hell; he don't even have a book, everything in the house is a National Enquirer!

You don't get a cookie for doing what you're SUPPOSED to do
Having children is a sacrifice...you don't get extra points in life for being the "cute" mom, or helping your kids with their homework yet still getting to the club while it's free--you also don't get extra points for doing right by your kids, because that is EXPECTED. You get extra points for raising kids that actually contribute to society and don't blow the rest of us up. Your kid doesn't have to be President Obama, but try not to make him President of the Weloveboys society. Your daughter doesn't have to be Oprah, but keep an eye on her enough so she's not compelled to be Tyra Banxxx. Sometimes you can't stop your child from going down the wrong path, but sometimes we contribute to it by demonstrating self centered, self-serving parenting. You don't have to sacrifice your happiness, but sometimes what you want and what your children need will simply not line up---then what are you going to do? Convince yourself that if you get what you want, what your child needs will fall into place?...another lie. Its vice versa.

Its simple--your life will and needs to change when you become a parent. Your priorities should change, your outlook on life should change, your sacrifice should change. Your walk should change--you should have parent swag! You will care about different things, your perspective will change. How you look at your mate will change. Your life will change, for the good and the bad--but its necessary so you can be responsible for these persons you are legally required to clothe and feed and let them loose in the world as your representative.

Its so funny; because getting pregnant is so easy and fun for most of us, folks think that parenting is too. Its NOT. And what is killing our kids is these wack ass parents who think that. So when the baby doesn't fall in line with what you want to do; like conceiving fell in line with your compulsion to screw--then its an imposition. I don't know a single kid that ASKED to be here...and since s/he didn't, the full responsibility for that child's existence falls on you. So next time you're mad cause his parent-teacher conference interfered with your lunch plans, or she got sick right before you were headed out of town, or his need for tutoring to pass 8th grade depleted your shoe fund--look in the mirror and point, YOU are the one to be mad at, suck your teeth at, fuss at, yell at, roll your eyes at, complain about...that baby was an egg chilling minding his/her own business before you got hot in the butt that night...LOL

And yes; I'm primarily speaking to mothers...fathers require an entirely different blog because at the root of it all: I am a sexist, and its my blog. Mama's baby, daddy's maybe. Mothers are the nurturers and responsible for the primary caregiving...we're the cake, and fathers are the icing. Many have made themselves optional; but are truly still a requirement, you can't eat a dry ass cake right? (ReaLM rule:)Remember that the next time you get your once per month opportunity to complain about your kid's father...only once a month, for 5 minutes max, generally around child support time. Anything more than that is wallowing, and let's face it--you chose him. But we'll talk about the available choices (or lack thereof?) in another post.

Toodles!

ReaLM