Friends...how many of us have them?

This song is one of the most pure songs about friendship out there...."and if you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew; you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, 'thank you for being a friend' "Love it.

I have been thinking a lot about the importance of lasting friendship lately, in particular as it relates to my daughter. My oldest is a rising 5th grader and we just moved. I was really committed to making sure we stayed in the same town and communicated with the school district to make sure she could stay at the same school even if we moved within the district. Why? Because she has done really well in her present school, and I would not DREAM of moving her, her last year of grade school to a different school and peer group.

She has been fortunate to find really good friends, girls she's known since Kindergarten. They are thick as thieves, they Gchat, email, have playdates, get in fights, do all the things you do at that age. They "get" her and and she "gets" them as well. They have her back. When she's down, they lift her up and she tries to be a positive source for them as well. They have sleepovers, and go to D&B together, and had their first Benihana experience together. LOL. They love each other. One of her friends has an older sister who graduated from high school this year, and we saw her and her best friend since 4th grade off to prom. They have been the gruesome twosome since they were 8 and are now going to colleges across the street from each other in Atlanta. They have gone through their formative years knowing at the beginning and end of each day, triumph, and challenge they had someone who had their BACK.

That is what friendship is. And that is what I see growing with my daughter and her friends, and that is what I have with MY friends. It brings tears to my eyes to watch true friendship blossom. So many people these days are caught up in the exterior, the material, the silly---even children. I know so many people who don't have friends, or at least don't have TRUE friends. I feel blessed to have my down like four flat tires friends in my life. And I pray the same for my children. So if that means we live in a little apartment in our town instead of buying a sprawling mini-mansion in another town or even state; then so be it.

I want to give my daughter the opportunity, if I can, to know and feel what the above song means. Because Whodini said it best, "Friends, how many of us have them?"

Rod Blagojevich

Needs to STFU. He's TWEETING? Really?! ROFLMAOOOOOOO....I had a whole 'nother blog subject; but this fool just messed up my writing mode.

"its a terrible injustice" Maybe you should have thought about THAT before you tried to withhold Medicaid enhanced payments from my child's hospital. Prick.

I hate politicians of all varieties at this point in my evolution. Between Michelle Bachbullshitmann running for President, the Weiner's weiner, and Nancy full of caca Pelosi, I'm over ALL of them.

I don't care how Blago tells his kids; I don't care how much time he gets, I'm just over politics as usual....fugg him.

I'm supposed to be packing

But instead; its 12:30am and I am up watching an Oprah repeat. I hate moving, despise it. Not because I'm sentimental; but more so lazy. I am a creature of habit and I hate change. So moving a year from my last move is NOT in my range of normal behavior. But my landlord lost my place; so I have to go.

I think my master plan is to stay at this place for 2 years, then purchase. By then I will be done with school; my youngest will be going to Kindergarten so I can have that money available to pay these wretched taxes. Home ownership frightens the hell out of me, but I want the stability that comes with owning my ish...and being able to throw wild parties without repercussions!!! LOL (soo not me).

I'm excited about this move though; the kids will have a backyard, a porch swing. Nice quiet neighborhood, lots of kids. Right by the expressway; so I don't have to fight traffic to go everywhere.

I'm just not excited about this horrid packing. I got a good portion done. Tomorrow I will work on cleaning out the refrigerator and finishing the kitchen. Wednesday will be my room, the linen closet, and the GARAGE. *cue scary music*.

I see.....a lot of shit getting thrown out.

Toodles!

Couple things about me...

I am not a father, do not wish my Happy Father's Day. That isht is disrespectful to the ACTUAL fathers in my and my children's lives. Keep your issues with you.

I don't acknowledge important news via social media from my friends. If you are engaged, having a baby, or have a new job; I expect a phone call or at minimum an email.

I actually call my friends for their birthdays; and I expect the same.

Inviting me to a shower via evite is a sure way to get a decline.

I am reciprocal...some call it tit for tat...if you don't respond in kind; you'll end up with crickets coming from my end. We'll still be cool though.

I am deeply in love with southern drawls on men. *slurrrp*

I really prefer being by myself to being in a relationship at this point in my life...

I have night blindness.

If you don't know this much about me already; you are not my friend and I already know that

Facebook has made everyone some lazy asses.

I am a baby mama.

Yes; I hate the term...but since I'm not delusional to think most people will call me anything else, I will accept that and whatever else anyone wants to deem me.

Single mother. Baby Mama. Unwed mother. The list goes on.

But this isn't about what I'm called or even what I consider myself. This blog is a much needed reminder that at the beginning AND end of the day--I do what is required for my children. Without complaint. Without reward. I just DO it. And what burns me more than just about anything on this earth are people who don't do it, yet speak as if its from a place of knowledge about what I, and women like ME go through.

I've said before; I could have married my oldest daughter's father. I could have, but we'd certainly be divorced, and I'd probably have been beaten to death by now to boot. I have no regrets about being a single mother at all. In fact, I prefer it most days. I am the decider if you will. I don't have to run shit past anyone, I don't have to wait for Daddy to get home, I don't have to cook anything more taxing than meals than a 10 and 3 year old want. LOL.

But at the same time...this is MY shit. Yeah; they have fathers...but I'M the one who pays the bills. I'm the one who wipes the asses. I'm the one who holds their heads in the toilet when they are vomiting. I'm the one who drops them off, picks them up, takes them to gymnastics, doctors, library, ice skating, parades, Girl Scouts, field trips. I'm the one who is up in the middle of the night when they have nightmares. I'm the one that is called when they are sick at school. I'm the one who has to arrange a babysitter to make a Costco run. I'm the one who has to shop at Costco!! I'm the one who has to worry about the values I'm instilling, because I observe them daily, 24 hours a day to measure whether or not those values are sticking. I'm the one who shops for clothes and has to consider whether its a shorts day or a pants day...and whether to wear socks or anklets...and whether the hair should be up or down. I'm the one checking the teeth after they are brushed. I'm the one brushing teeth. I'm the one teaching them how to wash themselves and how to wash dishes. I'm the one helping with research projects and identifying the alphabet. I do this all day, every day. This is what I'm supposed to do. And did I mention I get $150 in child support every few months??? LOL. I do all of this on MY 4 job-having dime.

So when mofos jump out the woodwork and act like is easy, or like I'm not doing all that I'm supposed to, or like they KNOW...it gets my back up. If you think its easy, if you think its no biggie, its only because I don't let you know what it REALLY is, because its my job. But when you come out of your face acting like you can do it, oh, you want them for 2 hours---that is NOT parenting. You want your monthly visit---not parenting.

And then I know I get called names. I've been called selfish. A bitch. How about I don't care? What you won't call me is a neglectful mother. My kids are my first priority. I don't give a damn about your feelings and your need to stunt, or pretend like these beautiful, smart, personable children are the result of your daily interaction with them--because they aren't. I ALWAYS think of them first. People, including their fathers, that don't wake up with these children as their first priority EVERY DAY---not just when they are in their possession, or when they call on the phone, or the few times the money is paid--don't get a seat at the decision making table. You coach from the booth, I coach on the sidelines. From the booth you get the luxury of being able to sit up there loftily, and see the sum total of the game. From the sidelines, I see the hurt, the dirt, I get hit too sometimes. I'm not sitting in air conditioning with headsets on. I'm screaming and yelling and on their level WITH them.

Now; if you are a coach on the sidelines with the other parent, then that is great. But I don't know many people that are "in" it 50% like that. If you are; then that is awesome for you and the child.

But if you're not; and that burden is falling a little or a lot heavier on the other parent-- next time you fix your mouth to talk about the "baby mama"--yours or your man's, check to make sure you aren't coaching from the booth trying to tell the head coach about shit you just don't know.

Delayed but not denied

So I've been absent lately. I apologize. I started yet another graduate program and its more challenging that I bargained for. I just work, mother, study, and watch reality tv. Hey; at least I can be honest about my priorities!

At any rate; I had a thought occur to me earlier tonight. That a relationship I prayed over for many years is officially over. Its been over, but I fully, wholly accept its demise at this point. And I'm okay with it.

This week has been a week full of blessings, financial blessings, stability blessings, relationship blessings---but this, this failed relationship sticks in my craw.

But what occurred to me today was this---"delayed, but not denied". I asked God to heal my relationship, to fix it, to show me the way. Well; what I finally realized was that He did. And what He showed me was THIS was not the relationship for me. Not at this time, not with this person. Doesn't mean that I won't ever be with anyone again, doesn't mean I am destined to be lonely; I certainly don't feel lonely. I feel nothing but blessed.

But it means that this is a delay; NOT a denial. This wasn't it. But that doesn't mean, when I'm ready the next one or the one after that, or the one after that--won't be. I looked at my oldest daughter today and knew that I'd made the right choice. I don't want her to grow up believing you should accept less than you are worth--no matter who it is. Even her dad. So to remain someone she can feel positively about; I had to let the noose around MY neck go.

And as long as I'm ok with it; as long as I can go to bed and wake up and feel good about myself; then I know I made the right decision. No crying myself to sleep anymore, no wondering what's going to happen next, when we're going to do x,y,z. No more fretting over extracurricular activities or what he thinks. I'm free. Free. And its alright; because I clearly hear Him: "Delayed, but NOT denied".

Toodles!

ReaLM

I'm here...

Hey out there:

I'm still here, but I've been doingtoomuch.com. Work, school, kids has been Charlie Sheen type of crazy the last couple of weeks.

But I'll be back with a new entry soon...gotta few thoughts roiling around in my head that I just have to share with ya'll...

Toodles!