At any rate; I had a thought occur to me earlier tonight. That a relationship I prayed over for many years is officially over. Its been over, but I fully, wholly accept its demise at this point. And I'm okay with it.
This week has been a week full of blessings, financial blessings, stability blessings, relationship blessings---but this, this failed relationship sticks in my craw.
But what occurred to me today was this---"delayed, but not denied". I asked God to heal my relationship, to fix it, to show me the way. Well; what I finally realized was that He did. And what He showed me was THIS was not the relationship for me. Not at this time, not with this person. Doesn't mean that I won't ever be with anyone again, doesn't mean I am destined to be lonely; I certainly don't feel lonely. I feel nothing but blessed.
But it means that this is a delay; NOT a denial. This wasn't it. But that doesn't mean, when I'm ready the next one or the one after that, or the one after that--won't be. I looked at my oldest daughter today and knew that I'd made the right choice. I don't want her to grow up believing you should accept less than you are worth--no matter who it is. Even her dad. So to remain someone she can feel positively about; I had to let the noose around MY neck go.
And as long as I'm ok with it; as long as I can go to bed and wake up and feel good about myself; then I know I made the right decision. No crying myself to sleep anymore, no wondering what's going to happen next, when we're going to do x,y,z. No more fretting over extracurricular activities or what he thinks. I'm free. Free. And its alright; because I clearly hear Him: "Delayed, but NOT denied".
Toodles!
ReaLM
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