What about your friends?

"What about your friends, will they stand their ground, will they let you down?"

So I have been thinking a lot about this concept lately--friendship.

What makes a friend? What constitutes friendship? We throw the word around hella loosely; but what power does the word actually have?

I'll say at the outset--I am stingy with genuine friendship. You can call it bitterness, burned, whatever; but when I've had disingenuous friendships. Some when I was younger, disintegrated and hurt me to my core. After that, I made a decision, that I would not undertake friendship lightly. So to be my friend is an investment. I know a lot of folks; but most people fall into acquaintance, Soror, classmate, current or former co-worker, or someone I know. Just because I break bread with you once in awhile, doesn't make you my friend. We're not friends because I chat with you on Gchat. And we DAMN sure ain't friends because we're Facebook friends!

So what is a friend to me? First of all; as a grown woman, I really don't make new friends. Most of my friends; I've known for over 10-20 years. My down like 4 flat tires? Yeah, they are long-termers. I've got two really good friends that I've met 5 years ago...but they are the last people I really let in as "friends".

Let me tell you what a friend ain't: a friend isn't one who only contacts you when they need something. Its someone who is running around telling my business to anyone who'll listen. Its not someone who presumes and assumes things about my life, or their place in it. A friend is not someone I've known less than 5 years! Its not someone who only shares the bad, and never the good or vice versa. Oooh, and mark this: a friend does not COMPETE with you. Ya'll are in this together, not running a race against each other!

Friendship to me means that I can call you in the middle of the night; and you know its for a good reason. It means that I never ask you to keep my children; but I know they can come over whenever they need to. It means that you know to ask when I answer the phone "What's wrong?". It means that I will go out of my way for you; and I don't wonder if you would do the same for me--whether you ever have a chance to; I know it. Friendship is easy; not hard. Friendship doesn't involve agonizing over the friendship---that's what these men are for! LOL Friendship means I can talk to you when these men aren't right...and you'll listen. And whether they're right or not; you'll tell me about them, and about myself too! Friendship means, YEP, you JUDGE ME. And I don't hold it against you, because you love me more than you judge me. Friendship means we might not talk for 6 months; but you are there when I need you and vice versa. It means we "get"each other, over distance, time, and circumstances.

For me; friendship means you know me...you know what I can deal with and what I can't. You know my limits, my hurts, my weaknesses and you respect them. It means I wear crappy bridesmaid dresses with a smile, and you will too! It means you hold on while I scream on my children and understand if I leave you on hold 10 minutes.

I have people who I deemed friends who disappointed me---talked about me, stopped returning my calls, flat out betrayed me. But I thank heavens; I have so many MORE friends who have lasted with me throughout the years. I am so fortunate, my friends are like family to me---and I treasure them.

If any of my true friends happen across this posting; well, I love you!

For the faux friends, well, fuck you very much! (oooh; that felt so good, I might need to send this directly to some folks lol)

Toodles!

ReaLM

Why I loved college

So its a Saturday; and I am watching my beloved alma mater play in our annual biggest game of the year: The Bayou Classic. Those that didn't go to school in Louisiana typically don't get it...but for those of us that did, its SERIOUS business. I mean, only in New Orleans on the Saturday after Thanksgiving no matter if its 25 or 75 degrees will you find folks dressed in full length furs and knee high boots because that is their Bayou Classic outfit, and so what its hot, I'm still going to wear it.

I haven't been to the game since Hurricane Katrina and I've made a committment to go next year, along with my high school homecoming, no matter what. My children have never experienced a Southern game, nor a Southwest DeKalb game. I bleed blue and gold for a reason--my high school's colors are blue and gold, AND my undergrad colors as well. Both of these schools have a rich history and tradition, and a TIGHT alumni contingent. As well as awesome bands :)

I'm going to make a confession: I don't trust folks who didn't enjoy high school and/or college. Those folks that don't talk to anyone they went to high school or college with? Yeah, suspect as hell. You don't have to be stuck in the past, but you didn't make a single life long connection with anyone during those 8 years? Something is wrong with you....

I don't call everyone "friend"; but the connections I made during high school and college are lasting...when you have as much fun as we did, the experiences we had, you can't help but be connected to those people, even if you just squeal when you see them at homecoming.

So in honor of my beloved school; I am sharing with my readers why I loved college:

• Steak and fried chicken night
• Midnight breakfast during finals
• Midnight breakfast food fight during finals
• Grits and eggs every morning
• Tailgating
• The strip
• Road trip to Kappa Beach Party circa 1997--100 dollars in my pocket, stayed at a Motel 6, had a ball. Saw H-town driving in a little Mazda Miata down the beachwalk
• Road trip to Kappa Beach Party circa 1998---200 dollars in my pocket, spent first night in a hellhole wide awake afraid a serial killer would come in, lucked up on the Doubletree for FREEZY the rest of the trip with fake ballers.
• Road trip to Jackson Sucks University circa 1997--got in a fight with the LaQuinta night manager after he called me a bitch, ain't been back to that ratchet Jackson since...I almost went to jail when I went over that counter...
• Breax Bridge crawfish festival
• Thanksgiving in Monroe, Lousiana with the Brasses, Sylvia would make a good pot of gumbo and have us helping with the beautiful decorations
• Skipping waiting to get my classes as I got my classes entered through the Honors College, then I got them entered with the football team---*never sat in a line a day after freshman week*
• Sitting in the men's gym to drop the same ratchet classes I didn't sit in line to add
• Health class--easiest A I've ever gotten
• Dying my hair Brown Sable in Bethune Hall in 1996; then immediately dying it back blonde the next day because my pale ass looked like a vampire with dark hair
• Seeing the Ques finally come back on campus in 1999
• Road tripping to Grambling for Springfest and being so thankful God delivered me from going there...lol
• Buying fresh Otis Spunkmeyer cookies from the blind man
• Coleman's Liquor
• Delta Express---shrimp po-boy special with fries and an orange soda
• Those damn speed bumps!
• The union reopening in my lifetime
• Dean Bonham---proof you could get liquored up and still be a disciplinarian
• The bird-sized mosquitoes that had me clamoring to get home my first semester...I had all types of allergic reactions to those things!!!
• Ooh, the snakes on the front steps of the dorm
• Impromptu cookouts in the Village de Province---Hamburger Helper and Beer Ribs all day!
• CRAWFISH SEASON!!!!
• Hearing black history from professors that actually lived it...like the Smith-Brown incident and the Baton Rouge bus boycott
• Dr. Spencer...I don't know how she ended up this list; but she certainly taught me that you have to fall in line to tow the line....
• Campaign crawfish boils and giveaways....yep; I'll eat your crawfish, but no, I ain't voting for you...lol
• It wasn't LSU!! I HATE Tigers of all varieties!!!!! LOL

The list is infinitely longer; but I don't want to bore you with just how much I loved college....I just wanted you to have a glimpse of why I think MY college experience was so awesome good and bad. Some folks don't get it; but that's ok. Hopefully you have some fond memories of college as well...or are you in that category of folks I don't trust? LOL

Toodles!

ReaLM

Why kids these days are messed up...

Ironically; I watched my FAVORITE television show, Real Housewives of Atlanta, last night after I developed the idea for this posting...watching Phaedra ramble on about how she needs her weekly man/ped, she needs her exercise, and she only got 5 hours sleep at night while she was pregnant..then get her first look at her newborn son and respond "Ew. Gross." solidified that I needed to write this today. LOL

Not that I am saying Phaedra (for those of you that watch the show, if you don't, go to Bravo's website for a gander) is the benchmark but her self-centered attitude about her impending motherhood is definitely something that has been adopted by more and more mothers; to the detriment of the upcoming generations.

Your life will change
This "me" attitude that has permeated society is literally; KILLING our children. Let me start with the first thing that women tell ourselves: "My life isn't going to stop because I have a child". Nope it will not stop, but it damn sure better CHANGE. You are now responsible for the carriage and care of another human being. This is not a task you should take on lightly. This isn't a gold tooth kiosk. Its not a shoe sale at DSW. Your child wasn't given to you as a prize at the State Fair. You can't undo it. And unlike the things I mentioned above, prizes, shoes, and gold teeth(well, not the gold teeth) you can't take on raising a child and your life not change (cause your life WILL change if you get gold teeth lol). I guess you COULD, but then my kids have to deal with sitting next to your kids---whose mother smoked and drank while she was pregnant so they have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and are underweight, whose mom decided that penis is the priority so her kids come to school and act out the mom's show with "Uncle" or "Aunt" X from the night before (cause she can't even wait until the kids are sleep), and don't forget the kids who can't read the "stop" sign because mom decided she'd rather Facebook and Tweet than make sure the kid did his 30 minutes of reading. Hell; he don't even have a book, everything in the house is a National Enquirer!

You don't get a cookie for doing what you're SUPPOSED to do
Having children is a sacrifice...you don't get extra points in life for being the "cute" mom, or helping your kids with their homework yet still getting to the club while it's free--you also don't get extra points for doing right by your kids, because that is EXPECTED. You get extra points for raising kids that actually contribute to society and don't blow the rest of us up. Your kid doesn't have to be President Obama, but try not to make him President of the Weloveboys society. Your daughter doesn't have to be Oprah, but keep an eye on her enough so she's not compelled to be Tyra Banxxx. Sometimes you can't stop your child from going down the wrong path, but sometimes we contribute to it by demonstrating self centered, self-serving parenting. You don't have to sacrifice your happiness, but sometimes what you want and what your children need will simply not line up---then what are you going to do? Convince yourself that if you get what you want, what your child needs will fall into place?...another lie. Its vice versa.

Its simple--your life will and needs to change when you become a parent. Your priorities should change, your outlook on life should change, your sacrifice should change. Your walk should change--you should have parent swag! You will care about different things, your perspective will change. How you look at your mate will change. Your life will change, for the good and the bad--but its necessary so you can be responsible for these persons you are legally required to clothe and feed and let them loose in the world as your representative.

Its so funny; because getting pregnant is so easy and fun for most of us, folks think that parenting is too. Its NOT. And what is killing our kids is these wack ass parents who think that. So when the baby doesn't fall in line with what you want to do; like conceiving fell in line with your compulsion to screw--then its an imposition. I don't know a single kid that ASKED to be here...and since s/he didn't, the full responsibility for that child's existence falls on you. So next time you're mad cause his parent-teacher conference interfered with your lunch plans, or she got sick right before you were headed out of town, or his need for tutoring to pass 8th grade depleted your shoe fund--look in the mirror and point, YOU are the one to be mad at, suck your teeth at, fuss at, yell at, roll your eyes at, complain about...that baby was an egg chilling minding his/her own business before you got hot in the butt that night...LOL

And yes; I'm primarily speaking to mothers...fathers require an entirely different blog because at the root of it all: I am a sexist, and its my blog. Mama's baby, daddy's maybe. Mothers are the nurturers and responsible for the primary caregiving...we're the cake, and fathers are the icing. Many have made themselves optional; but are truly still a requirement, you can't eat a dry ass cake right? (ReaLM rule:)Remember that the next time you get your once per month opportunity to complain about your kid's father...only once a month, for 5 minutes max, generally around child support time. Anything more than that is wallowing, and let's face it--you chose him. But we'll talk about the available choices (or lack thereof?) in another post.

Toodles!

ReaLM

First things first...

So I am starting a blog. Not exactly a new thing in 2010; but something I generally have tried to stay away from. However, in recent months, more and more people have been saying things to me like I need my own column, I need to do commentary, etc etc etc. I've shied way from pursuing those type of endeavors, because well, I don't need anything else on my plate...and I have a tendency to be overly blunt. But; as more and more things have caused me irritation and wonderment at the same time, I figured what the hell?

So let's start slow...first; I will tell you--I struggled with what to call my blog; because as much as I don't hide my views, and say anything to anyone--I don't exactly want folks googling my name and this is what pops up. But I still wanted my blog and its name to feel like it was part of me--so the name "My ReaLM" includes my initials (obviously the capital letters) and Realm is often the name of the imaginary company I'll start to do something drawing on some skill I have in the future--we'll call it an item on my bucket list. So that is the name of the blog.

The blog address? Well; that sums up why I am able to write about what I want: I am not running for office, and I doubt I ever will. So this will only be associated to me if I'm ever deemed a terrorist threat (Ha, I love the Patriot Act) or if I am killed in some tragic way and the reporters look at my last blog entry for clues....

What will I talk about? Probably a little of everything; I tend to have the most opinionated views on politics, entertainment, and child rearing (or lack thereof). I am a mother, a boss, a daughter, a child of God, I believe that Jesus is my Lord and Saviour, I am a very conservative liberal, I believe in the right to bear arms, pro-choice, and the death penalty, I believe in taxes, I believe in birth control, I believe in euthanasia, I believe in eugenics, I believe in spankings, I believe in democracy, and most importantly--as an undergrad Sociology major, I believe in the conflict theory. In life; someone will ALWAYS be on the losing team--otherwise the universe will be off kilter. Some folks say I'm mean, some folks say I'm crazy. I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, raised in Decatur, Georgia, educated in Baton Rouge, Louisiana I went to the best high school in DeKalb County (SWD!)and the best HBCU(SU!), I bleed Blue and Gold, as well as Pink and Green, I have a Master's Degree in Management...and I have a southern twang and a lisp. I hate spaghetti and fish(why eat two main courses together?) but I love neckbones! My cholesterol is borderline, and I stand 5'8 with a size 11 shoe. Is that enough about me? LOL. Do you have an idea of what you're dealing with yet? Ya think, huh?

I actually have my next post brewing, but I figured I would let you digest my intro first...but I'll give you a teaser---when you become a parent, its not a badge of honor that you're life didn't change--it actually means you're a sucky parent. But we'll discuss this more, next post. :)

Toodles!

ReaLM